“Gosh, guys are so frustrating! It’s like I’m not even here! I wish that I could just be in a place where things were a little simpler,” she screamed into her pillow.
After screaming a few more times, she decided that she would call her friend and vent to her. Maybe they could make up some juicy gossip to spread around school about Dan. He was just making her life miserable, and he deserved anything that they could come up with. She lifted her head, and was shocked to see that someone had redecorated her room.
“Horrible motif,” she said, getting up to look around the room. “This is just creepy. How did my room change so drastically? Those leaves look almost realistic.”
A bird came by flying beside some butterflies.
“I must be on one of those reality shows. This isn’t funny guys. I want my boy band posters back now!”
But no one seemed to hear her.
“This is really bizarre. Mom would have normally been up here to tell me to stop screaming by now. I would have already slammed the door in her face, too. Where is my door anyhow?”
Nowhere in the vegetation could she find her door.
“This place is just bizarre. Let’s see what is here.”
As she walked, she was taken with the beauty of the place. It was nice, in an outdoorsy, earthy kind of way. A mall would have been far better. But there were plenty of animals. It was like a zoo without cages or annoying little kids and horrid smells. Plenty of fruit hung on the trees. As she wound her ways through this paradise state, she ran into a man. Boy, was he gorgeous.
“Hi, who are you?” he asked.
She didn’t know what to say at first. She was still in shock. Here was the most handsome man that she had ever seen. But he wasn’t wearing any clothes. She was sure that she was four shades of red.
“Are you okay?” he asked again, obviously worried about the color-shifting creature.
“I, um, yes. I’m okay. I just wasn’t expecting to find anyone else here in this naked, um, neck of the woods.”
“Oh, I know what you mean. I wasn’t expecting to see you either. Usually it’s just Eve and I. So, you’re new here then?”
“Yep. Just got off the boat.”
“There was a boat?” he said, his eyes getting wide. “Can I see it?”
“No, not really. It’s just an expression,” she said, still trying to keep eye contact.
“Oh, that’s too bad. What’s your name?”
“Yurisa.”
“Hi, Yurisa. That’s a nice name. My name is Adam.”
“Adam? Your name is Adam? Is this some kind of joke?”
“No, it’s really Adam. Have you heard of me or something?”
“Oh, uh, yeah. I’ve heard of you and Eve.”
“Are you an angel?”
“You sure are sweet.”
“I am?”
“Oh, never mind. It’s just an expression.”
“You sure are different,” Adam said. “Nothing like Eve.”
“Well, I’m pretty sure we have some things in common.”
“Oh, I guess. But Eve doesn’t talk funny like you do. She doesn’t have whatever it is that you’re wearing either. What’s it called?”
“Oh, this?” Yurisa asked, pointing to herself. “These are clothes.”
“Why would you want clothes?”
“To cover yourself up, so you won’t be naked.”
“Doesn’t seem like it’s too necessary to wear clothes. You don’t seem to be covering up much more than I am.”
“Well, I’m covering up what’s important. There are some things you just don’t walk around without hiding. You just can’t go around naked!”
“Why not? It’s comfortable.”
“Yeah, but it’s bad. You can get into trouble for being naked.”
“Really? I better tell Eve. Do you want to stay here and pet my sheep?”
Yurisa giggled a bit, and Adam looked at her like she was strange. She decided to follow along to meet this Eve. She’d heard a lot of things about her, mostly bad. When they found Eve, she was just coming out from behind a tree.
“Whatcha doing, Eve?” Adam asked.
“Oh, just irrigating,” Eve said.
“Oh, great idea. I need to go irrigate, too. Eve, I’d like you to meet Yurisa. She’s new here. She’s got something to tell you about clothes.”
With that, Adam sprinted off to find a tree.
“Hi, Yurisa,” Eve said. She was easily the most beautiful woman that Yurisa had met.
“Hi, Eve. You’re beautiful, you know that?”
“Well, I don’t know about that. God doesn’t make anything ugly, but I don’t know about beautiful.”
“No, you’re beautiful. Hasn’t Adam ever told you?”
“No, he just talks about the animals and such.”
“Oh, well there’s the problem. Do you know why he doesn’t tell you how beautiful you are?”
“Because he’s a guy and doesn’t like to express his emotions?”
“No, it’s because you’re not wearing any clothes.”
“Oh, what are clothes?”
“Clothes are like the things I have on now.”
“And it makes you look beautiful to guys to wear clothes?”
“Yes, if they’re fashionable, because it makes them think about you not wearing any clothes.”
“That sounds confusing.”
“Yes, but it’s just how guys’ minds work. They’re complicated.”
“Tell me about it. He likes petting his sheep more than he likes spending time with me.”
“We’ll change that. But first we have to find something to go with your eyes.” Yurisa began to look around. “Ah, yes, fig leaves will do quite nicely.”
Adam had returned by this point, and Yurisa shooed him off. She told him she’d go find him later. They set to work with the fig leaves, determined to make Eve beautiful. After some time had passed, Yurisa went looking for Adam.
“Adam, Adam, where are you?”
“Over here petting my sheep.”
“Ah, figures,” Yurisa mumbled to herself. “Adam, we’ve got a surprise for you.”
“Really? What is it?”
“Well, I can’t really tell you. I have to show you. We made Eve some clothes.”
“Oh, well, that’s nice. I’ll see them later.”
“No, Adam, you have to come now. Just leave your sheep alone for five minutes. It’ll be okay. Eve needs you to tell her which outfit looks best. She’ll try them on, and you’ll pick. But remember, no matter what it looks like, you have to tell her that she looks beautiful. Okay?”
“I guess. It sounds like a lot of work, though.”
“It’ll be worth it. Besides, if you don’t come, you’ll make Eve sad. You don’t want her to cry, do you?”
“Fine, I’ll go,” Adam assented.
They made their way over to where Eve was. In the time since he had left, they had built a runway of sorts for Eve to walk down. Yurisa had taught her how to strut and turn. She told Eve that it would make him think that she was beautiful. She sat Adam down in front, whispering to him to act impressed. Then, Eve came and tried her best runway walk. It was laughable to Adam. The clothes seemed pointless. But he couldn’t tell her that.
“So,” Eve said as she finished her runway debut, “Which outfit did you like best?”
Adam thought hard. “Oh, um, the one with the fig leaves.”
“They all had fig leaves!” Eve replied.
He remembered what Yurisa had told him, “And they all made you look beautiful.”
“Really?” Eve said.
“Yes. May I go now?” Adam said, twitching uncomfortably.
“Yes, because we need to have some girl time,” Yurisa said.
“Okay,” Adam said, fleeing hurriedly away. It didn’t matter where, he just wanted to leave quickly before they tried some other sort of nonsense. Little did he know that they would make him fig leaves to wear later.
Yurisa sat on a lion, combing Eve’s hair.
“See, Eve, I told you the clothing thing would work.”
“Yes, you did. He told me I was beautiful. Each outfit made me look beautiful to him. I wish I would have worn clothes before.”
“Well, there’s more to being beautiful than just clothes. I have plenty I’ll have to teach you about being mysterious. I also need to teach you how to pout, and how to flaunt your body.”
As she was teaching Eve how to steal Adam’s heart, she heard some bushes rustling. When she looked around, expecting to see Adam, she saw Satan holding an apple.
“It’s about time you showed up!”
“Ah, a fan I take it?”
“Believe me, you’re no Justin Timberlake. I don’t want your autograph. Just get back to what you were doing, we don’t have all day.”
“Oh, right. Eve, eat this apple.”
“You’re doing it all wrong, buddy. You have to tempt her. It’s like this. Eve, if you want Adam to fall madly in love with you and bring you a million gazillion presents every day and write poetry about you and treat you like a queen, then you must eat of this apple,” Yurisa corrected him.
“That’s not bad, I’ll have to take notes. Where did you learn stuff like that?” Satan asked.
“Buttering up my parents as a child. It gets easier with practice,” responded Yurisa.
“So, Eve, you heard what this girl has said. Will you eat this apple?”
“Well, I don’t know, we were told not to eat apples…” she began.
“Eat it, Eve. Trust me,” Yurisa told her.
“You sure?”
“Yes. It’s the only way to make Adam show his love for you. If he eats, too, then it’s because he loves you and he wants to be with you. He’ll do it, too. It’s the only way to take your relationship to the next level. You’ll live happily ever after and have children. Besides, have I ever been wrong?”
“Okay,” Eve said. Then she took a bite of the apple. “It’s not bad.”
“Good,” Yurisa commented. “Now, let’s get Adam to eat, too. That’ll show that he really loves you. I’ll go find him, and bring him here, okay? You just keep thinking about what I was telling you about how to make him fall madly in love with you and worship the ground you walk upon. Remember the pouting, guilt trips, and kissing bits.”
“Okay, thank you for everything, Yurisa. I don’t know where I’d be without you.”
“Eden,” Yurisa mumbled. Then she spoke louder, “Oh, don’t mention it, Eve. You can thank me later. Oh, and if you have a son named Cain, you probably want to drown him at birth. Trust me.”
“You’re silly,” Eve giggled, but she was innocent, after all.
Yurisa went off and found Adam. He was with his sheep, naturally. She tossed him a pair of fig shorts.
“What are these for?”
“To wear. You have to match Eve.”
“Oh, if you say so.”
“Speaking of Eve, she has something important to tell you.”
“Oh? It doesn’t involve more clothes does it?”
“No. But remember, you have to tell her she’s beautiful if she mentions clothing and such.”
“Fine,” he groaned, as they went back over to Eve’s place.
“Adam, do you know what I’ve done?”
“Combed your hair?”
“I’ve been a bad girl.”
“Combing your hair’s not that bad. It actually looks…” he looked over at Yurisa, “beautiful.”
“No, I’ve done something else.”
“What?”
“I ate an apple.”
“But we’re not supposed to eat the apples.”
“I know, but they taste good. You should have one.”
“I don’t want one.”
“But, Adam,” Eve pouted. “You do think I’m beautiful, right?”
“Yes, but…”
“And you do want me to be with you, right?”
“Yes, but I feel the same way about my sheep.”
“But your sheep aren’t as beautiful as I am, are they?”
Adam hesitated, then he looked at Yurisa, who was about to pull a muscle from shaking her head “no.”
“No, of course they aren’t.”
“You hesitated! You don’t think I’m beautiful?”
“Of course I think you’re beautiful,” Adam said. “You’re more beautiful than all the sheep in the garden combined.”
“And you do love me, right?”
“Um, yes.”
“Well, if you love me, you’ll eat an apple.”
“But I don’t want an apple. If I eat an apple, then I’ll get into trouble.”
At this point, Eve burst into tears. Adam was confused. Why was she doing this to him? Women can be so difficult. He thought about it. He could live with her, or live with is sheep. His sheep were a lot less complicated. But he wasn’t married to the sheep. It was a shame, really.
“Fine, I’ll eat the apple.”
“You will?” Eve said, ceasing to cry.
“Yes, I’ll eat the apple.”
“You really do love me, then. I’ll make it up to you later.”
“Really? How?”
“I’ll make more clothes.”
“Oh, okay.” Adam caught Yurisa’s evil glare. “I mean, that sounds wonderful, I can’t wait.”
Adam took a bite. He looked like he was expecting sudden death. But it didn’t come. He opened his eyes, which had been squinched closed, and looked around.
“Well, that wasn’t so bad.”
Eve ran up to him, and gave him a kiss.
“I like that,” Adam said, already beginning to lose his innocence.
“I thought you would,” Eve giggled.
“Adam, I think I want another one. Can you get that for me? It’s just too high for me to reach.”
“But there are a million of them right there. They all taste the same.”
“But I want that one. If you loved me, you’d get it for me.”
Adam looked at Yurisa, certain she’d put her up to this. Life was definitely a lot simpler before she showed up. She mouthed the words, “Do it.”
“Yes, dear. Just to prove that I really love you, I’ll get you this.”
Yurisa gave him two thumbs up, and He got it down for her.
“Here you go, beautiful.”
“Thank you, Adam,” Eve said.
“Aren’t you going to eat it?” Adam said.
“No, I just wanted to see if you’d get it for me.”
“Oh, okay. Well, I’ll be back in a second. I need to irrigate.”
“Okay, bye honey.”
“Eve, you’re a natural. You’ve got him wrapped around your pinky,” Yurisa said, commending her.
“And that’s good?”
“Yes. That’s perfect.”
“So, what do we do now?”
“Well, we ought to play a game. Ever heard of hide-and-seek?”
“No. What do you do?
“Well, you hide, and you wait for someone to go find you. Even if they call your name, you don’t come out, because it’s a trick.”
“Okay.”
“I’ll be it first. You and Adam go hide together. Explain the rules to him, will you? I’m going to count to twenty, and then I’m coming after you.”
Eve ran over to Adam, who was just emerging from behind the tree. She grabbed his arm and dragged him off. He looked like a frightened, confused puppy dog. They played several rounds. Then, they heard another voice in the Garden.
“That’s God,” Adam said.
“He’s it now,” Yurisa said. “You’d better hide. Remember, don’t come out unless he finds you. No matter what.”
They all hid in their respective places. Yurisa watched from between the leaves of the bushes as God walked, looking for them. He was good at this. He was headed straight for them. He was probably cheating and had his eyes open while they were hiding.
“Adam? Where are you?”
Adam was about to respond when Eve elbowed him in the ribs. God heard this and caused the bush they were hiding behind to disappear.
“Adam, Eve, why are you hiding from me? Didn’t you hear my voice?”
“We heard thy voice and hid ourselves because we were playing hide-and-go seek.”
“Who taught you Hide-and-Go-Seek?”
“Yurisa,” Adam replied.
“What are these leaves you’re wearing?”
“They’re the latest fashion in fig leaves,” Eve replied.
“Why are you wearing fig leaves?”
“Because we are naked underneath them.”
“Who told you that you were naked?”
“The Girl,” Adam and Eve replied in unison.
God smacked his forehead and groaned. He turned and made Yurisa’s bush disappear.
“Yurisa, come here.”
She decided that now was not a time to disobey.
“Yurisa, what have you been doing here? You asked to go back to a simpler time, and I obliged.”
“Well, I honestly appreciate it. I mean, the Garden is nice and all, what with me being a vegetarian. But it’s frustrating. There’s no running water or electricity. There are no cell phones, cute boys, malls, TVs, movies, or iPods. There’s no MySpace, air conditioning, or makeup. Eve is just clueless. No offense, Eve. There are snakes and spiders and bugs everywhere! It’s like being in a weird nudist colony, and the only guy here doesn’t even notice me!”
“Are you finished?”
“Almost. There aren’t any cars. How am I supposed to live without a car?”
“I gave you feet. Besides, you don’t need them here. This is a paradise. You tried to distract me from the original question. What have you been up to?”
‘Darn!’ Yurisa thought. Then, she looked at God with big pouty eyes and lips.
“It won’t work, Yurisa. I already know what you did. I just need you to admit it.”
“Man, you’re worse than my mom.”
He shot her a look that put the fear of God into her.
“Fine, I admit it. I sabotaged the garden. I told Adam and Eve that they were naked. I made Eve clothes, and I taught her to be a bombshell of a trophy wife. I encouraged her to eat the apple, and I taught them how to play hide-and-seek. But Satan did give Eve the apple.”
“Satan, because you gave Eve the apple to eat, and listened to this girl, which she forgot to mention, you will be cast out. ‘Upon thy belly thou shalt go, and dust shalt thou eat all the days of thy life.'”
“Loser,” Yurisa jibed Satan as he was leaving. She had little time to gloat, though.
“Yurisa, because you have done this thing, you shall be cursed worse than Satan. You shall be banished from this time that you had sought to be in. You will return to your own era with a bad case of acne!”
“No!” she began to scream.
Yurisa awoke, screaming madly. When she realized that she was back in her own room, she stopped. It had all been just a dream. Just a terrible dream.
“Oh, thank goodness! That was just a dream! How could people live like that!?”
She stood up and looked around, taking in her room. Her boy band pictures were on the wall, her electronics were where they were supposed to be. Her walk-in closet was full of exposing outfits. Her makeup and jewelry boxes were on the dresser. There was her vanity mirror, too. She couldn’t have lived with out that.
“Ahhh!” she screamed suddenly. “Acne!”
Midnight Musings from Melancholy Muses 