Heartache

Mem’ry No Longer Avails

~ Iyan Igma

I travel alone winding trails
That I’m certain I’ve trod before,
But mem’ry no longer avails.
The past’s paths are myths, legends, lore,

And stories I would fain believe
Were I not wary of the snare;
For confusion and fact do cleave
Like fresh lovers watched unaware.

Now, I know not what I should trust,
Since man’s mortal, and love is frail.
But is it wrong to love a lie
When real history’d be a hell?

I can see how I would have crossed
Through the leaves and over the ridge
To see the imagined sights lost
By entering the covered bridge.

I see myself wrapped up in bliss,
Her hair and dress flowing, twirling,
And ‘neath the ridge we wait and kiss,
Hidden to the world that’s whirling.

We separate. I’ll come again
To see her, my heart’s decided.
Why lose her to another man?
In deception, I’ll be prided.

Look how I am covering up
The evidence of my coming.
Surely that must be why I feel
So compelled to break out running,

Certain as a groundhog’s senses
That spring is shortly due to be.
I run to her, but find fences.
Sorrow streams alluvially.

Once more to the path I return,
Quite uncertain what is real.
Why can fantasy make me burn,
Confounding the ways that I feel?

Why can’t life be hon’rable as
Fleeting dreams prematurely dead?
It fails, despite the time it has,
So I’ll prefer to dream instead.

I can make up my destinies,
No matter what I’ve been slated;
When reality mutinies,
I can muse, like it’s been fated.

For only safe within my dreams
Can I ever be satisfied,
For what is man? Truly, it seems,
Misery till the day he’s died.

Sycamore

~ Iyan Igma

I put my love in a sycamore tree
To let her sobre out,
For she breathes jack o’ the daniels
And is a drunken lout.
I put my love in a sycamore tree
Because she likes to scream and shout,
But, when I climbed up to bring her down,
She tried to push me out.
I put my love in a sycamore tree,
But she didn’t seem to care;
All that she did was ignore me
And play with the birdies there.
I put my love in a sycamore tree
With the winds and rains and snow
Blowing harshly around her ears,
But none of this phased her, though.
I put my love in a sycamore tree,
Perchance I should’ve put her in a bush.
For now, when I try to talk,
She but merely tells me “shush.”
I put my love in a sycamore tree,
And I regret the day I did;
For my love jumped right out,
Ran away, and hid.

We Parted

~ Iyan Igma

As the rain beats a kettle drum,
I remember when it started.
Like other victims of my love,
She was sweet and tender hearted.
I never appreciated
Her—like the others. We parted.

Once one said that she loved me, and
My heart lept about and darted.
But my mind did not share the same
Feeling, but instead regarded
Her as a nothing that spoke words
Of no consequence. We parted.

I couldn’t sail the seas of love
To lands I had never charted
In romance’s exploration.
Indeed, I was too faint hearted
To venture too far from the shore,
Lest I fall off, thus we parted.

I couldn’t master my feelings,
For I was so simple hearted.
I know now my emotional
Maturity was retarded.
I couldn’t realize love’s effects,
So ultimately we parted.

I never managed to receive
The affection they’d imparted.
I didn’t, wouldn’t want to learn
To love, for I was hard hearted.
When I finally die alone,
None will notice I’ve departed.

0°K Turkey

~ Iyan Igma

Women are pernicious drugs.
How evil the addiction!
You take ’em in your body,
And then begins affliction.

They change your mind and desires
With their chemical hormones.
With ease you grow tolerant
To them, and they will cause moans

Should you go through withdrawal,
Making you curse existence.
Once you’ve experimented,
You will have no resistance.

I’m going cold turkey from
You. It was sure good I found
You for what we shared, though
You left me after the rebound.

As I watch you go away,
I cannot suppress the thought
Of looking back on Sodom,
Thinking I’d like to be salt.

Surely it is worth the view.
The pain I feel is my fault,
For I committed the sin
When I let my mind exalt

You when I was suffering.
I should have had more control.
I had nothing to offer
But my blemished, condemned soul.

Now that your pity’s ended,
And we’ve satisfied our lust,
You’ve no patience for me, and
I drove you away, I trust.

Atypical Lass

~ Iyan Igma

You are an atypical lass,
A glory that I can’t possess.
That is why I can’t fall in love,
Despite all that I may profess.

How is it that my love is stymied
Because you are flawed perfection?
I have always loved you. Without
You my life has no direction.

I can ne’er offer another
What rightfully belongs to you,
Since my heart and mind and soul have
Vowed to thy mem’ry to be true.

You were sweet and tender and pure;
I was cynical and jaded.
Never has such innocence been
So happily masqueraded

As it was with thy olive skin
And thy flowing raven tresses.
‘You made me happier than I’d
Ever been,’ my soul confesses.

If I found offense in one so
Virtuous, intelligent, and
Strong-willed who could motivate me
And deal with my temper, my hand

Can never tamed be. For if I
Could never happiness maintain
Whilst I was with you, I have no
Delusions of true love again.

I’m sorry for the hurt I caused
With my poisoned stings and black barbs.
I find it is fitting that in
Despair my conscience itself garbs.

Of thy criticisms I’m not
Worthy. Your scorn I can’t refuse.
I would fain let you scourge my soul,
If that meant that I wouldn’t lose

What I know that I can never
Have because you’ve long since parted,
And I have only myself to
Curse that I am broken hearted.

They say that the grass is greener
On the other side of the hill,
But I’ve found the landscape barren,
Since you’re not here to me fulfill.

Mirages remind me of you,
And even they will not accost
This sinful soul. I now value
You, now that I know what I’ve lost.

To a Coy Madame

~ Iyan Igma

You, the image of perfection,
That I wanted to adore,
Until I saw reality
Which causes me to abhor

The perfection that you appeared
To have mastered in each form.
But that was just an illusion,
Like the heart I thought was warm.

How I curse my misperception,
For truly did you deceive,
Giving me the wrong impression
By causing me to believe

That there could be a life form with
Higher planes and trains of thought.
Now I’ve sacrificed everything
For a trifling thing of naught.

Long before I bought this store to
Have plenty of time with you,
And subsequently burned it down
Just to show that we are through,

You should have told me that you were
Plastic and not acting coy.
All this time I thought you flirted,
And it filled my heart with joy.

How I wanted to get close to
You and learn your inner feelings.
But then you double crossed me with
Your base and dirty dealings.

How could you look at other men
With the smile you had for me?
How could you expect me not to
Feel a stab of jealousy?

I tried to woo you several times,
But you never turned your head.
I tried to kiss you fervently;
You kissed me like you were dead.

Yet before I light this match and
Searing flames come rushing in,
You need to know it’s not your fault
That you are a mannequin.

Minervosa

~ Iyan Igma

I was smitten with you as a child,
Though I called you a mugrosa.
You shouldn’t have believed me when
I called you a vain mocosa,
For that’s the way boys show their love.
But you were e’er nerviosa.

As we and my love for you grew,
I stopped calling you mucosa.
Indeed I’d discovered you were
A young lady virtuosa.
But spite the waxing of my love,
Something’d made you nerviosa.

You ignored all my advances.
You remained respetuosa.
I was never sure if you were
E’en remotely amorosa.
In hindsight I see ’twas because
You were always nerviosa.

You were ne’er happy with your looks,
Though you were maravillosa.
You thought that you were overweight;
I thought you were gloriosa.
You believed not a word I said;
You were e’er too nerviosa.

I never saw you eat enough
To feed a flowering rosa.
You were deceived, ’tis obvious,
For you were voluptuosa.
But still you were not satisfied
With your self, my nerviosa.

I praised your beauty, for you were
In every way asombrosa.
In all the creations seen, you
Were by far the most hermosa.
You never heard my praises, since
You were always nerviosa.

I gave you all the love I had;
Nothing could make you gozosa.
Your soul was withering away,
And Fate became exitosa.
I could see the end this would cause,
But you were too nerviosa.

I stayed by your bedside each day;
You were still my mariposa.
You never smiled; my company
Was a pitiful limosna.
You ignored my confessions, for
You were always nerviosa.

Your stomach grew together, and
Hunger made you dolorosa.
But still you wouldn’t eat, and to
Watch you languish was penosa.
I held the hand that you thought fat
Because you were nerviosa.

I prayed that something could save you,
Since to me you’re milagrosa.
But each day found you more listless,
And Death found you perezosa.
I wondered if you made Death fret,
Since you were e’er nerviosa.

“No sabes cuanto quise que
Fueses me cara esposa.”
I whisper to your rotting bones
‘Neath the flowering mimosa.
Why did you make yourself die of
Anorexia nervosa?

Yaerick

~ Iyan Igma

“Alas for poor old Yaerick,
He’s married too young, too soon,”
Said one Fate to the Furies
Watching him weep ‘neath the moon.

“He’s hoping that one fine day
His sick marriage will improve,
But that’s like pushing on a
Boulder, hoping it might move,”

Said one Fury. Another
Said, “It only gets worse.
You have learn to live with
Each other.” “That was terse,”

Another responded. “What
Then’s the just thing to do?
Show him mercy letting him die,
Or make him suffer through?”

They bickered for a moment.
After a little while
They recalled their own loves. As
They left him, each did smile.

From a Forb

~ Iyan Igma

I just wish you could be happy
With the love that I’ll never have.
For I can never have you, save
I fall into favor with Mab.

May you find one idealistic
And be lucky enough to keep
The purity of your ideals,
Because I don’t want you to weep.

Though I would like to worship you
And make you shine and share your faith,
You deserve an eternity,
And not a worthless, wailing wraith.

How I wish you could keep the same
Young and vibrant look in your orbs.
You’re worthy of the tallest trees,
But not a useless me, a forb.

May you never have need to cry;
May you escape life’s sad turmoil—
I’ve had enough for both of us.
May Fate find you free from fell droil.

In short, because you are my soul,
I only care for your welfare.
I love you, but you’re better off
Without me, as you’re well aware.

The grandest blessing you’ll receive
Is an innocent eternity.
You’re beauty comes ’cause you believe;
Please guard your gullibility.

Your naïveté becomes you
And will enrich future romance.
Find someone to share those with,
For I’ll never get the chance—

Not because I’m not smitten, and
Not because my heart’s distorted.
I don’t want to conceive love, when
I know it’ll be aborted.

And then what would I do?
What would become of us two?
How could I live having had you?
When envy loses fear it’s blue.