Dasypeltis, the egg-eating snake, was out for a stroll one day. He had his top hat and cane, and was working up the courage to ask out someone he’d had his eye on for quite some time. As anyone who’s ever tried to ask out another snake knows, it is terror on the nerves. He only wished that he had butterflies in his stomach, since eating calms his nerves. As he was strolling along, he happened upon a nest.

“Ah, an egg,” Dasypeltis said. “Finally, something to soothe my nerves.”

Dasypeltis looked around to see where the parents were. It was strange not to find a parent close by. Perhaps one was hunting, and the other was off cavorting with dysentery. In any case, they would soon return. He would have to act quickly. After all, once the egg was missing, not even his top hat and cane would quiet suspicions. It was his nature to eat eggs, no matter how much he claimed to be reformed,and everyone knew it.

He hurriedly unhinged his jaw, and slid the egg into his throat. About the time it hit his stomach, he prepared to crack it open and spit out the shell. As he did, he began to gag.

“That egg must have been a dud! It must have been there for a year or more.”

Gagging and coughing, he rushed home trying to get rid of the stench of rotten eggs. But it was no use. Unfortunately, he grew used to the smell, and believed that it was gone. Satisfied, he went off to ask out his dear. What was his surprise when she turned him down.

“You’re gross, you rotten egg sucker! I wouldn’t go out with you in a million years!”

Dasypeltis wondered who had told his secret. It was probably one of those mockingbirds. They were such gossips. They’d planted the egg just to get back at him for an innocent snack or two. His paranoia slowly drove him insane. He never kissed another serpent for years.

Moral: Avoid high cholesterol diets. Some eggs should never be sucked.