Bananas
by
Iyan Igma
It is generally recognized by scholars that bananas are the source of all evil. Their imperfect creation, for they contained strings, led the most mighty Lucifer to delusions of adequacy. As a few of us have been imparted with the knowledge of what next happened, it becomes of the utmost importance to speak no more of Satan’s fall but of Eve and Adam. Eve was in a garden and had just been quite let down by a banana, or, more specifically, its strings. Lucifer, sensing an opening, was apt to proffer the apple, as it is commonly acknowledged subconsciously. The apple was a most perfect and stringless fruit; the desire for perfection outweighed a trespass against God’s commandment.
Modestly do I propose to end the terrors of this world through that plan which I shall now disclose. Petitioning of Our Lord God Almighty should commence immediately. He cannot easily ignore the cries of the troubled. Like any ruler, He derives His power from the popular and sovereign common folks. Working in prayer together shall we convince Him to scrap the world and all other planes, start anew from scratch, and this time create a perfect banana. After all, one mayst do anything in faith.
Bananas Re-visited
It seems that only scholars and infants are in possession of capabilities enough to understand that bananas are the source of all evil. “Evil,” what is associated with this? Surely the fall of Lucifer. On the seventh day while God yet rested, Lucifer was exploring heaven in all of His glory. The Lord had seen good in all things, and, indeed, the bananas were good but yet imperfect. The tiny strings inside were revealed to Satan. Lucifer, as he was then called, was taken with wild fantasies upon learning of this fault in creation. Bananas were indeed the inspiration, and, as such, are the root of all evil.
